But what if at a very young age you find someone who is just as misguided as you are? As lost as you are...as lonely as you are...
I had my first serious relationship when I was 20 years old, some will say it is too late, but personally I still believe it was too early.
Although there are a lot of things I have learned- if I would be given the chance to go back- I would not have taken the same path.
Why?
1. Too much energy and time wasted- during your teenage years and early 20's the focus should be on honing your skills.
This should have been the time to take up guitar lessons, piano lessons, painting lessons, this should have been the time to socialize with people from different walks of life.
When you are in school, you get the chance to meet a diverse number of people, mixed cultures, mixed belief systems- there are so many things happening all at the same time--and I wasted mine--by focusing on what is wrong and what does not feel right with the current relationship that I was in during that time.
I failed to try several organizations that would have helped my resume look better, I have not been able to extend my friend's list because I was so immersed living in one life and was so immersed by being with just one person who if we will use statistics--will probably not be in my life when I am 30 years old.
Imagine all of the concerts I could have watched with friends, imagine all of the teachers I could have talked to to ask several insights that would have been helpful after graduation.
I could have joined the Glee club, learned some theater skills, I could have created a short independent film about life in College--
And while I could never go back- I still feel I wasted my remaining years in College crying, analyzing situations about me and my boyfriend that I could have easily done away with--if only I managed to have focus like that I have now at the age of 26.
2. Early expectations that will not be met- what does a 16 year old know about life? I will boldly tell you what you know absolutely Nothing.
I thought I had it all figured out at the age of 15 to be honest, I thought I knew all of the theories and how to apply them--but it was like a teenager trying to fix an airplane.
I had no skills, no idea of what kind of future I was building myself-- getting into a relationship at such an early age, means being asked to perform certain things that a 28 year old woman would be able to handle.
You can't expect a 16 year old boy to suddenly understand the life pain you are going through, much less expect a 16 year old woman to be forgiving at an age where she is still questioning the world.
If you get a boyfriend or a girlfriend at the age of 15, the other person is going to expect so much from you- this early expectations will include the ability to understand, the ability to listen, be insightful--but you are still in the time of your life where you are still figuring out your likes and dislikes- chances are that both of you will be hindering the progress of each other.
To hinder the progress of someone--is not love, it never is.
At first, the relationship will be intoxicating, like a drug...when the drug wears off--you would have to figure out a way how to understand the current problems that you have--on top of it all--you would have to face your exams...and family problems.
it's too much- opt out of it.
You might believe that you are providing love to somebody, but believe me the first lesson that you should learn in life is to Love Yourself first and the rest will come along naturally.
Yes, you will have some fun times--but you will also be expected to play roles that are not suited for your current skills--and it will naturally lead to stress- more stress than you could ever hope for.
3. Chances of early pregnancy and Fatherhood- most people forget this when they are in a whirlwind romance, but this is a fact of life. You have a girlfriend or a boyfriend you are bound to be subjected to trying out sexual experimentation that is almost sure to get you in trouble.
There is nothing more distasteful than 16 year old teenagers asking how they can prevent getting pregnant. It should not be a topic in their life- this is not the proper time.
I wish someone could show them how easy it is to just sit down and watch a game of volleyball or basketball and enjoy the thrill created by it rather than exploring sexual thrills that will only last for several seconds but could inflict damage permanently.
4. You are still simply Ill- equipped for a relationship..
Imagine trying to take the BAR examination for lawyers at the age of 6--that is what it feels like, to embark on an early relationship.
By trying it out so early, you fail- will fail, over and over again until it becomes unbearable. Some will manage to overcome it--but only after studying so many books and learning tips that would not have otherwise come have they not explored.
You can't expect to feel good about a Relationship or to do good at it--at a very young age. And while yes, some start very young and learn--only a few do so--they just repeat the excitement, expectations and the pain over and over again.
Being In a relationship in your teenage years and early 20's--- can hinder your chances of Finding who you really are..
Why?
Because the time you could have invested to fulfill life goals that would make you a better person is hindered.
I don't think you would be happy holding someone else's hand without being fully able to acknowledge your Fulfillment in life.
It does not happen that way-- you don't finally feel free or loved just because someone is holding your hand- you will only find this progress and fulfillment once you are able to acknowledge yourself, your skills, once you are able to reach a point in your life where you can finally give without asking for anything in return- because you have already learned to complete yourself.
A clingy attitude , neediness, wanting to always be with someone to ease the pain, the feeling of not wanting to be alone--if you are still unable to enjoy the time you have with yourself--don't expect Relationships to be fulfilling even at the age of 40- it will just be a series of always asking to be loved- always asking to be understood and when you don't get it--you move, change partners and repeat the cycle all over again.
Until you are not able to learn this--everything about a Relationship will be about manipulation and control- there will be sweet moments but it will still be about who is winning, who is the boss, who is the controller and who is being controlled in the Relationship--and it will make you weak- very weak- so weak that you will not be able to appreciate Life itself.
"But you have an idea of love; that idea is creating trouble – not love itself, but the idea. The idea is that, in love, lovers disappear into each other, dissolve into each other. Yes, there are moments of dissolution – but this is the beauty of life and all that is existential: that when lovers dissolve into each other, the same are the moments when they become very conscious, very alert. That dissolution is not a kind of drunkenness, that dissolution is not unconscious. It brings great consciousness, it releases great awareness. On the one hand they are dissolved – on the other hand for the first time they see their utter beauty in being alone. The other defines them, their aloneness; they define the other. And they are grateful to each other. It is because of the other that they have been able to see their own selves; the other has become a mirror in which they are reflected. Lovers are mirrors to each other. Love makes you aware of your original face.
So many people, will no longer be able to get out of this until they get old. Relationships will always be a contest, something that has to be won, something they have to control, like a drug addiction--you won't be able to separate yourself from the idea of someone---
there is no freedom with that kind of life... there is no peace, no breathing in a cool windy afternoon.
So for as long as you can, take the time to Invest in yourself, to find the meaning of Loving yourself without hindering another person's progress.
Until you have not reached that...avoid the drama...especially at a very young age.
"If they are dependent on each other, clinging, possessive, if they don't allow each other to be alone, if they don't allow each other space enough to grow, they are enemies, not lovers; they are destructive to each other, they are not helping each other to find their souls, their beings. What kind of love is this? It may be just fear of being alone; hence they are clinging to each other. But real love knows no fear. Real love is capable of being alone, utterly alone, and out of that aloneness grows a togetherness."
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