How to bounce after getting Rejected

It was a busy afternoon and you can see people going to and fro. Everyone was occupied except for this two individuals in the park,  a man and a woman preoccupied with something. 

The woman teary-eyed, she watched the world collapse before her eyes--thousands of questions. The man firm with his resolve, ready to walk away--giving her the final kiss of death.

I just made it more picturesque but to cut the story short I am the woman in the park--teary eyed and filled with questions.

 How can you love someone that much and just be discarded just like that- how can someone hold your hand so tight and let go just like that...

How can he walk away just like that and not look back...

 I always hated going back to that park of the park because all I see is a woman rejected, scorned and alone. 

All I saw was my weakness. I kept hearing my last words...I pleaded for him to stay and he walked away like I was nothing---I pleaded my case, used logic and I tried saying all that I could to make him stay even to the point of agreeing to a marriage that I do not even believe in. 

But that was  year ago...

5 days ago me and my friends happened to pass by that area of the park and amazingly after giving up the struggle I started to laugh.

 I am no longer with hate nor anger towards the place. I now see the woman in the park with new eyes--In Japan when bowls or vases have cracks, they fill it up with gold on the side and value it even more--to them the piece contains a story and because of that it become more precious. 

How to bounce back from Rejection:

The truth is we have to be rejected at some point in our lives.

 People are afraid of being discarded like they are nothing and after a failed relationship they will try all that they can to gain another person to fill up the void.

People hate losing their value in someone else's eyes...but what we fail to understand, is that it is only us who can devalue ourselves.

The moment I pleaded for him to come back- the moment I forced myself to him...was the moment I devalued myself. it was not his rejection  but my own rejection of what was good for me that made me lose my value.

 I on the other hand took the 5 stages of grief.. I wanted to complete it. I wanted to feel the pain and I wanted to experience what it felt like to be alone again with  my thoughts. 

At first I was in denial and then I was angry at times I am at the bargaining stage of the relationship  then a lot of months were spent in Depression. 

I have a hard time sleeping and I missed the person so much even though I was discarded, removed and alienated from someone I valued with all my life. 

What I did:

1. The No Contact Rule- many do not attempt this kind of strategy but it has been a blessing. I removed all contact to get hold of myself and my emotions. If I was going to be tough I needed discipline and I did a self-exile. No texting, no facebook, avoiding any place he might be at a certain time.

 It was hard at first I kept a journal of the days I succeeded and clapped and glorified myself every time I won the struggle against my weakness.

 You see I already did all I could, I told him what I was willing to do in order to fix the relationship but the other person just stopped loving me. 

At first It did not make sense to me that someone can just snap and forget all of the feelings they have had for you--but it happens..yes it happens.

 But I also saw that this step was necessary, my vulnerabilty..my going down my knees and pleading my case. Love in its many forms is also the giving up of all self-pride and even at the day of my rejection I felt gloried, for in being vulnerable and honest I became indestructible. 

2. Regaining back glory-- there are times where in we become so absorbed with another person in our life that it takes all of our energy. I realized that during the 4 years of my relationship with him I was not able to do anything substantial.

 The love was just between two people, it was a form of love alright but in many ways it was a selfish kind of love because it was not able to create anything.

Most of the time I felt lonely and without purpose and while there are things that transformed us both when we are together--it is with the realization that the best lesson that he has taught  me--was to let me go.  

When both of us are together we just kept on arguing, insisting on what the other wants and what should be done--insisting on how empty we are and how the other must fill the void. 

Our relationship was not productive..I was not inspired and he was not inspired. We were not contributing to anybody-- to anyone...not even ourselves.

Relationships are not meant to be that way...you join together because you want to create something other than your own agenda and if the relationship becomes selfish..it becomes self-destructive

. There are some people who choose to think that they have families but with people like us...we want to see the world as our entire family. 

I was not able to fix anything outside our relationship, it was either just me and him story and if someone is going to view it in a movie--it would be tiring.  

What I did was to come back in the folds of my family, friends and my community. Within a matter of months I dedicated my time to joining community events, causes. 

Causes for the trees, for the animals and I took the time to listen to friends and what they are going through. There are a lot of lonely people in the world in need of care and attention and since I had so much love to give inside-

--I should not limit it to just one person. In fact that was the way back to  glory, the realization that there was so much more to do.

In many ways I now thank him for letting  me go--for if he tried to grab hold of the energy that I have---that would be the most selfish act. It was not so much on whether he loved me or not

. No one can discard another person and no one can tell you that you are worthless in the moment of rejection. It is only the " I" that can reject the self and think that they are not worthy and for such a long time I have  not been able to love myself as I should. 

You see a writer once said that the most important relationship that we have in this world is with ourselves.

 The bible would even state  that we are temples, you cannot give something that is not inside of you.

Today I can sit alone sipping coffee at a restaurant somewhere downtown without feeling restless. Because I have extended myself to a lot of people and now I have learned to share whatever I have I have the best relationship in the world--the relationship with myself.

 In many ways I thought that someone has to affirm who you are but I have learned that self-love is key and vital to enriching everything else that you need

. No one has the  power to make you sad, angry and out of control without your permission. 

In the future I am more equipped to share this with another person. We have to constantly build ourselves, to train ourselves to become the partner we want to have. 

In the coming days I know that I will be more prepared to give rather than just receive, because then I know I have so much more inside. 

The path of creating self energy is getting stronger and stronger. In the future I know I would have so much to give and because I have completed myself the only task is to love the other and nothing more. 

When you love someone, but you know you cannot make them happy

He was a boy I fell in love with a long time ago, he was no one special- he was as plain as it could be, he had no special talents-nothing to separate him from the rest. He was not even kind, and he might just be one of the meanest person I have ever met.

He has this dark hair, that was always unkempt, he tries to put gel in it and although a few stands will stand up... it will still look greasy.
He has one of the most imperfect skin I have ever seen, with pimples and spots all over...he wears the lousiest mismatched shirt and pants.
He has this odd laugh, maniacal laughter.....he keeps a lot of secrets in his head..he paints...pictures that are odd and do not even look creative...

and I hate it...I hate it...because he is still running endlessly in my head. Despite all of the stupid things I could say about him I still love him..

I guess you cannot choose who to love, you cannot decide to remove someone in your life...

  When I met him...I was a troubled person and although I can say I feel better now...I am still in the process of resolving things about myself...there always seems to be something that is not working with my life...

There was always something that happens that would make us fight each other--despite my best efforts I could not make  a stable relationship.
At first, I knew he genuinely did want to make the relationship work but perhaps our difference became so apparent.

We had different religious beliefs, we had different group of friends, we had a different background, we both wanted to live another kind of life...and even if I fought for as long as I could I know that we would just be hurting each other.

I still tried to get him back numerous times to the point of losing myself, I tried for 3x times and failed miserably.
And I had to stop not because he could not love me back--but because I could not make him happy.
I had to give up, I had to back down...because deep inside I knew that even if he loved me back...I still would not be able to make him happy...

You see I don't know how to express my love- I did not see it in my family- I have no idea how a woman should love a man...I don't have family members to compare the relationship with--I don't know how to love someone without competing, I don't know how to love someone without manipulating, I only know how to love someone in my mind-- I don't know how to do this in real life--and each time I attempt I end up destroying my own self...

I could never be the source of his joy...I wanted to promise him that I would always be there- that I would  guide him through the days-but I always say the wrong things- I always somehow end up doing the wrong things...

It felt good to protect him, it felt good to put a pillow on his head when he forgets it as he sleeps. He once told me, he felt I was his guardian..I always felt that I needed to take care of him- but I am not strong, not as strong as I hope to be.

It was not him, but me who was my greatest enemy when it came to loving him.

 I really wanted to do all that I can to make him smile...but each time I try to get close to him--something always gets out of hand--the pain he makes me feel...is nothing to the pain I experience whenever I realize that I could not fulfill any of my promises..I could not contain my ego, my arrogance, my anger...try as hard as I could I was no good...I always end up hurting the man I have vowed to love...


I realize that no relationship can be perfect, that when I have chosen to love him I would create mistakes over and over again...but each time I commit these mistakes I feel more inadequate...I want to love him as pure as I can...as gentle as I can...as strong as I can--but my needs always gets in the way because I am still in this human form unable to transcend anything but my human needs...and I know that no matter how many partner I will have in the future I will just be the same person...I will just be repeating these mistakes...my cycle of mistakes and I will just hate myself over and over again..

Perhaps this is the reason why I am cold...why I no longer want to put my heart out there...I don't want to inflict pain- because each time I inflict pain I am not able to look at myself...

There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about him, the first time we held each others hands, the way he laughs is inside my head...when I see fireworks I remember him, when I hear the word stranger I think of him...he is still in everything that I do...and I hate it...I hate it to the core. I abhor it...I abhor the fact that I cannot do anything about it.

There is not a day that goes by where I don't miss him...I always see him sitting beside me in a riverbank saying nothing.

I always see him in my dreams but we say nothing..he is always with someone else..he is always far away even in my dreams...

I wish I could forgive myself...I wish I could forgive myself...

In the Philippines everyone is getting married

I live in the age of social networking, where looking at your friends Facebook post is a normal thing to do every day--unless you need to work somewhere where there is no instant internet access.



I started to notice a huge change on my Facebook wall when I reached the age of 26- it seems as though everyone in my high school batch is getting married.

They are either a single parent, engaged, going to get married soon, just got married or just got separated from their 8th boyfriend and first husband.


While everyone else is getting busy hiring their wedding photographers, asking me where they should have their wedding venue or while some are asking me to attend their baby shower or the birthday of their kid..

I am still much at a loss on what I am going to do next--truth be told Marriage has never entered my mind, although I was engaged to be married at the age of 22--It was something I did not really consider and still do not consider even as of today.

Perhaps I am afraid of commitment, or I don't like being tied down, or I am too afraid of the grown up responsibilities or I pretty much feel that I have not even started my life yet...I have only visited 2 countries Thailand and Laos...

I have only been to 10 cities in the Philippines- and even if I am in a good relationship right now-- I still won't feel the need to get married.

Commitment to someone or being loyal to someone is something I can do, but the marriage part sends negative vibrations that I have yet to change.

In the Philippines, its really abnormal if you say you don't like to get married or you will never get married. after all it is still a country with strong family ties.

At a certain age women are expected to fulfill a role, it is not easily understood if you want to get ahead of your career first, it will not be easily understood if you want to focus on something else before pushing to the next stage level.



These roles are hard for me to grasp, I don't think I have the patience to deal with in-laws at this age--still do not have the willingness to take care of children when I barely understand what I want from life.

When I was younger, I rushed so  many things- I rushed my relationship, rushed getting to know another person, rushed the intimacy- rushed the closeness-I did not take the time to understand what I was going through--I was just all about the race because that is how I think a relationship should be--and the relationship unfolded so fast I was not able to savor it,  I was not able to understand why I was there...

And although a lot of people are saying I am foolish for not focusing on building a family right now at the age of 26--I will stand by my decision to take things slower.

I might never get married truth be told and I don't know if that is a good decision or not in the future--but there are certain things that I still don't know about myself and what I want from life and until I don't know what these things are...

Rushing would not be a sensible thing to do...

While the rest of the Philippines is getting married, engaged or changing partners as frequently as they could..

I will sit down in the grass and just watch the world go by. While everyone is rushing to build their family--I will savor the time I have with myself-- if reincarnation is true then I will take this entire lifetime of mine to understand what I want.

I have come to realize that I need to be friends with myself first, to forgive myself for my past mistakes, the person I need to devote my time improving-- is still myself at this age...and while the rest of the country thinks its too late--I will stand by my own timeline.


There are so  many places I still like to visit, so many people I still want to meet.... I wonder how it feels like to walk in the streets of Barcelona, I wonder what it would feel like to learn baking, I wonder what it would feel like to publish my own book...

These are all pretty grand dreams...but I have not yet given up..I still have time...

Marriage could be a good thing to be in--it could be a life changing thing..but until I have a better understanding of my emotions, why I do certain things and why I act the way I do...I have to take sometime to watch the world go by...

In the Philippines everyone is getting married...but I am still floating away...