How to bounce after getting Rejected

It was a busy afternoon and you can see people going to and fro. Everyone was occupied except for this two individuals in the park,  a man and a woman preoccupied with something. 

The woman teary-eyed, she watched the world collapse before her eyes--thousands of questions. The man firm with his resolve, ready to walk away--giving her the final kiss of death.

I just made it more picturesque but to cut the story short I am the woman in the park--teary eyed and filled with questions.

 How can you love someone that much and just be discarded just like that- how can someone hold your hand so tight and let go just like that...

How can he walk away just like that and not look back...

 I always hated going back to that park of the park because all I see is a woman rejected, scorned and alone. 

All I saw was my weakness. I kept hearing my last words...I pleaded for him to stay and he walked away like I was nothing---I pleaded my case, used logic and I tried saying all that I could to make him stay even to the point of agreeing to a marriage that I do not even believe in. 

But that was  year ago...

5 days ago me and my friends happened to pass by that area of the park and amazingly after giving up the struggle I started to laugh.

 I am no longer with hate nor anger towards the place. I now see the woman in the park with new eyes--In Japan when bowls or vases have cracks, they fill it up with gold on the side and value it even more--to them the piece contains a story and because of that it become more precious. 

How to bounce back from Rejection:

The truth is we have to be rejected at some point in our lives.

 People are afraid of being discarded like they are nothing and after a failed relationship they will try all that they can to gain another person to fill up the void.

People hate losing their value in someone else's eyes...but what we fail to understand, is that it is only us who can devalue ourselves.

The moment I pleaded for him to come back- the moment I forced myself to him...was the moment I devalued myself. it was not his rejection  but my own rejection of what was good for me that made me lose my value.

 I on the other hand took the 5 stages of grief.. I wanted to complete it. I wanted to feel the pain and I wanted to experience what it felt like to be alone again with  my thoughts. 

At first I was in denial and then I was angry at times I am at the bargaining stage of the relationship  then a lot of months were spent in Depression. 

I have a hard time sleeping and I missed the person so much even though I was discarded, removed and alienated from someone I valued with all my life. 

What I did:

1. The No Contact Rule- many do not attempt this kind of strategy but it has been a blessing. I removed all contact to get hold of myself and my emotions. If I was going to be tough I needed discipline and I did a self-exile. No texting, no facebook, avoiding any place he might be at a certain time.

 It was hard at first I kept a journal of the days I succeeded and clapped and glorified myself every time I won the struggle against my weakness.

 You see I already did all I could, I told him what I was willing to do in order to fix the relationship but the other person just stopped loving me. 

At first It did not make sense to me that someone can just snap and forget all of the feelings they have had for you--but it happens..yes it happens.

 But I also saw that this step was necessary, my vulnerabilty..my going down my knees and pleading my case. Love in its many forms is also the giving up of all self-pride and even at the day of my rejection I felt gloried, for in being vulnerable and honest I became indestructible. 

2. Regaining back glory-- there are times where in we become so absorbed with another person in our life that it takes all of our energy. I realized that during the 4 years of my relationship with him I was not able to do anything substantial.

 The love was just between two people, it was a form of love alright but in many ways it was a selfish kind of love because it was not able to create anything.

Most of the time I felt lonely and without purpose and while there are things that transformed us both when we are together--it is with the realization that the best lesson that he has taught  me--was to let me go.  

When both of us are together we just kept on arguing, insisting on what the other wants and what should be done--insisting on how empty we are and how the other must fill the void. 

Our relationship was not productive..I was not inspired and he was not inspired. We were not contributing to anybody-- to anyone...not even ourselves.

Relationships are not meant to be that way...you join together because you want to create something other than your own agenda and if the relationship becomes selfish..it becomes self-destructive

. There are some people who choose to think that they have families but with people like us...we want to see the world as our entire family. 

I was not able to fix anything outside our relationship, it was either just me and him story and if someone is going to view it in a movie--it would be tiring.  

What I did was to come back in the folds of my family, friends and my community. Within a matter of months I dedicated my time to joining community events, causes. 

Causes for the trees, for the animals and I took the time to listen to friends and what they are going through. There are a lot of lonely people in the world in need of care and attention and since I had so much love to give inside-

--I should not limit it to just one person. In fact that was the way back to  glory, the realization that there was so much more to do.

In many ways I now thank him for letting  me go--for if he tried to grab hold of the energy that I have---that would be the most selfish act. It was not so much on whether he loved me or not

. No one can discard another person and no one can tell you that you are worthless in the moment of rejection. It is only the " I" that can reject the self and think that they are not worthy and for such a long time I have  not been able to love myself as I should. 

You see a writer once said that the most important relationship that we have in this world is with ourselves.

 The bible would even state  that we are temples, you cannot give something that is not inside of you.

Today I can sit alone sipping coffee at a restaurant somewhere downtown without feeling restless. Because I have extended myself to a lot of people and now I have learned to share whatever I have I have the best relationship in the world--the relationship with myself.

 In many ways I thought that someone has to affirm who you are but I have learned that self-love is key and vital to enriching everything else that you need

. No one has the  power to make you sad, angry and out of control without your permission. 

In the future I am more equipped to share this with another person. We have to constantly build ourselves, to train ourselves to become the partner we want to have. 

In the coming days I know that I will be more prepared to give rather than just receive, because then I know I have so much more inside. 

The path of creating self energy is getting stronger and stronger. In the future I know I would have so much to give and because I have completed myself the only task is to love the other and nothing more.