How to bounce after getting Rejected

It was a busy afternoon and you can see people going to and fro. Everyone was occupied except for this two individuals in the park,  a man and a woman preoccupied with something. 

The woman teary-eyed, she watched the world collapse before her eyes--thousands of questions. The man firm with his resolve, ready to walk away--giving her the final kiss of death.

I just made it more picturesque but to cut the story short I am the woman in the park--teary eyed and filled with questions.

 How can you love someone that much and just be discarded just like that- how can someone hold your hand so tight and let go just like that...

How can he walk away just like that and not look back...

 I always hated going back to that park of the park because all I see is a woman rejected, scorned and alone. 

All I saw was my weakness. I kept hearing my last words...I pleaded for him to stay and he walked away like I was nothing---I pleaded my case, used logic and I tried saying all that I could to make him stay even to the point of agreeing to a marriage that I do not even believe in. 

But that was  year ago...

5 days ago me and my friends happened to pass by that area of the park and amazingly after giving up the struggle I started to laugh.

 I am no longer with hate nor anger towards the place. I now see the woman in the park with new eyes--In Japan when bowls or vases have cracks, they fill it up with gold on the side and value it even more--to them the piece contains a story and because of that it become more precious. 

How to bounce back from Rejection:

The truth is we have to be rejected at some point in our lives.

 People are afraid of being discarded like they are nothing and after a failed relationship they will try all that they can to gain another person to fill up the void.

People hate losing their value in someone else's eyes...but what we fail to understand, is that it is only us who can devalue ourselves.

The moment I pleaded for him to come back- the moment I forced myself to him...was the moment I devalued myself. it was not his rejection  but my own rejection of what was good for me that made me lose my value.

 I on the other hand took the 5 stages of grief.. I wanted to complete it. I wanted to feel the pain and I wanted to experience what it felt like to be alone again with  my thoughts. 

At first I was in denial and then I was angry at times I am at the bargaining stage of the relationship  then a lot of months were spent in Depression. 

I have a hard time sleeping and I missed the person so much even though I was discarded, removed and alienated from someone I valued with all my life. 

What I did:

1. The No Contact Rule- many do not attempt this kind of strategy but it has been a blessing. I removed all contact to get hold of myself and my emotions. If I was going to be tough I needed discipline and I did a self-exile. No texting, no facebook, avoiding any place he might be at a certain time.

 It was hard at first I kept a journal of the days I succeeded and clapped and glorified myself every time I won the struggle against my weakness.

 You see I already did all I could, I told him what I was willing to do in order to fix the relationship but the other person just stopped loving me. 

At first It did not make sense to me that someone can just snap and forget all of the feelings they have had for you--but it happens..yes it happens.

 But I also saw that this step was necessary, my vulnerabilty..my going down my knees and pleading my case. Love in its many forms is also the giving up of all self-pride and even at the day of my rejection I felt gloried, for in being vulnerable and honest I became indestructible. 

2. Regaining back glory-- there are times where in we become so absorbed with another person in our life that it takes all of our energy. I realized that during the 4 years of my relationship with him I was not able to do anything substantial.

 The love was just between two people, it was a form of love alright but in many ways it was a selfish kind of love because it was not able to create anything.

Most of the time I felt lonely and without purpose and while there are things that transformed us both when we are together--it is with the realization that the best lesson that he has taught  me--was to let me go.  

When both of us are together we just kept on arguing, insisting on what the other wants and what should be done--insisting on how empty we are and how the other must fill the void. 

Our relationship was not productive..I was not inspired and he was not inspired. We were not contributing to anybody-- to anyone...not even ourselves.

Relationships are not meant to be that way...you join together because you want to create something other than your own agenda and if the relationship becomes selfish..it becomes self-destructive

. There are some people who choose to think that they have families but with people like us...we want to see the world as our entire family. 

I was not able to fix anything outside our relationship, it was either just me and him story and if someone is going to view it in a movie--it would be tiring.  

What I did was to come back in the folds of my family, friends and my community. Within a matter of months I dedicated my time to joining community events, causes. 

Causes for the trees, for the animals and I took the time to listen to friends and what they are going through. There are a lot of lonely people in the world in need of care and attention and since I had so much love to give inside-

--I should not limit it to just one person. In fact that was the way back to  glory, the realization that there was so much more to do.

In many ways I now thank him for letting  me go--for if he tried to grab hold of the energy that I have---that would be the most selfish act. It was not so much on whether he loved me or not

. No one can discard another person and no one can tell you that you are worthless in the moment of rejection. It is only the " I" that can reject the self and think that they are not worthy and for such a long time I have  not been able to love myself as I should. 

You see a writer once said that the most important relationship that we have in this world is with ourselves.

 The bible would even state  that we are temples, you cannot give something that is not inside of you.

Today I can sit alone sipping coffee at a restaurant somewhere downtown without feeling restless. Because I have extended myself to a lot of people and now I have learned to share whatever I have I have the best relationship in the world--the relationship with myself.

 In many ways I thought that someone has to affirm who you are but I have learned that self-love is key and vital to enriching everything else that you need

. No one has the  power to make you sad, angry and out of control without your permission. 

In the future I am more equipped to share this with another person. We have to constantly build ourselves, to train ourselves to become the partner we want to have. 

In the coming days I know that I will be more prepared to give rather than just receive, because then I know I have so much more inside. 

The path of creating self energy is getting stronger and stronger. In the future I know I would have so much to give and because I have completed myself the only task is to love the other and nothing more. 

When you love someone, but you know you cannot make them happy

He was a boy I fell in love with a long time ago, he was no one special- he was as plain as it could be, he had no special talents-nothing to separate him from the rest. He was not even kind, and he might just be one of the meanest person I have ever met.

He has this dark hair, that was always unkempt, he tries to put gel in it and although a few stands will stand up... it will still look greasy.
He has one of the most imperfect skin I have ever seen, with pimples and spots all over...he wears the lousiest mismatched shirt and pants.
He has this odd laugh, maniacal laughter.....he keeps a lot of secrets in his head..he paints...pictures that are odd and do not even look creative...

and I hate it...I hate it...because he is still running endlessly in my head. Despite all of the stupid things I could say about him I still love him..

I guess you cannot choose who to love, you cannot decide to remove someone in your life...

  When I met him...I was a troubled person and although I can say I feel better now...I am still in the process of resolving things about myself...there always seems to be something that is not working with my life...

There was always something that happens that would make us fight each other--despite my best efforts I could not make  a stable relationship.
At first, I knew he genuinely did want to make the relationship work but perhaps our difference became so apparent.

We had different religious beliefs, we had different group of friends, we had a different background, we both wanted to live another kind of life...and even if I fought for as long as I could I know that we would just be hurting each other.

I still tried to get him back numerous times to the point of losing myself, I tried for 3x times and failed miserably.
And I had to stop not because he could not love me back--but because I could not make him happy.
I had to give up, I had to back down...because deep inside I knew that even if he loved me back...I still would not be able to make him happy...

You see I don't know how to express my love- I did not see it in my family- I have no idea how a woman should love a man...I don't have family members to compare the relationship with--I don't know how to love someone without competing, I don't know how to love someone without manipulating, I only know how to love someone in my mind-- I don't know how to do this in real life--and each time I attempt I end up destroying my own self...

I could never be the source of his joy...I wanted to promise him that I would always be there- that I would  guide him through the days-but I always say the wrong things- I always somehow end up doing the wrong things...

It felt good to protect him, it felt good to put a pillow on his head when he forgets it as he sleeps. He once told me, he felt I was his guardian..I always felt that I needed to take care of him- but I am not strong, not as strong as I hope to be.

It was not him, but me who was my greatest enemy when it came to loving him.

 I really wanted to do all that I can to make him smile...but each time I try to get close to him--something always gets out of hand--the pain he makes me feel...is nothing to the pain I experience whenever I realize that I could not fulfill any of my promises..I could not contain my ego, my arrogance, my anger...try as hard as I could I was no good...I always end up hurting the man I have vowed to love...


I realize that no relationship can be perfect, that when I have chosen to love him I would create mistakes over and over again...but each time I commit these mistakes I feel more inadequate...I want to love him as pure as I can...as gentle as I can...as strong as I can--but my needs always gets in the way because I am still in this human form unable to transcend anything but my human needs...and I know that no matter how many partner I will have in the future I will just be the same person...I will just be repeating these mistakes...my cycle of mistakes and I will just hate myself over and over again..

Perhaps this is the reason why I am cold...why I no longer want to put my heart out there...I don't want to inflict pain- because each time I inflict pain I am not able to look at myself...

There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about him, the first time we held each others hands, the way he laughs is inside my head...when I see fireworks I remember him, when I hear the word stranger I think of him...he is still in everything that I do...and I hate it...I hate it to the core. I abhor it...I abhor the fact that I cannot do anything about it.

There is not a day that goes by where I don't miss him...I always see him sitting beside me in a riverbank saying nothing.

I always see him in my dreams but we say nothing..he is always with someone else..he is always far away even in my dreams...

I wish I could forgive myself...I wish I could forgive myself...

In the Philippines everyone is getting married

I live in the age of social networking, where looking at your friends Facebook post is a normal thing to do every day--unless you need to work somewhere where there is no instant internet access.



I started to notice a huge change on my Facebook wall when I reached the age of 26- it seems as though everyone in my high school batch is getting married.

They are either a single parent, engaged, going to get married soon, just got married or just got separated from their 8th boyfriend and first husband.


While everyone else is getting busy hiring their wedding photographers, asking me where they should have their wedding venue or while some are asking me to attend their baby shower or the birthday of their kid..

I am still much at a loss on what I am going to do next--truth be told Marriage has never entered my mind, although I was engaged to be married at the age of 22--It was something I did not really consider and still do not consider even as of today.

Perhaps I am afraid of commitment, or I don't like being tied down, or I am too afraid of the grown up responsibilities or I pretty much feel that I have not even started my life yet...I have only visited 2 countries Thailand and Laos...

I have only been to 10 cities in the Philippines- and even if I am in a good relationship right now-- I still won't feel the need to get married.

Commitment to someone or being loyal to someone is something I can do, but the marriage part sends negative vibrations that I have yet to change.

In the Philippines, its really abnormal if you say you don't like to get married or you will never get married. after all it is still a country with strong family ties.

At a certain age women are expected to fulfill a role, it is not easily understood if you want to get ahead of your career first, it will not be easily understood if you want to focus on something else before pushing to the next stage level.



These roles are hard for me to grasp, I don't think I have the patience to deal with in-laws at this age--still do not have the willingness to take care of children when I barely understand what I want from life.

When I was younger, I rushed so  many things- I rushed my relationship, rushed getting to know another person, rushed the intimacy- rushed the closeness-I did not take the time to understand what I was going through--I was just all about the race because that is how I think a relationship should be--and the relationship unfolded so fast I was not able to savor it,  I was not able to understand why I was there...

And although a lot of people are saying I am foolish for not focusing on building a family right now at the age of 26--I will stand by my decision to take things slower.

I might never get married truth be told and I don't know if that is a good decision or not in the future--but there are certain things that I still don't know about myself and what I want from life and until I don't know what these things are...

Rushing would not be a sensible thing to do...

While the rest of the Philippines is getting married, engaged or changing partners as frequently as they could..

I will sit down in the grass and just watch the world go by. While everyone is rushing to build their family--I will savor the time I have with myself-- if reincarnation is true then I will take this entire lifetime of mine to understand what I want.

I have come to realize that I need to be friends with myself first, to forgive myself for my past mistakes, the person I need to devote my time improving-- is still myself at this age...and while the rest of the country thinks its too late--I will stand by my own timeline.


There are so  many places I still like to visit, so many people I still want to meet.... I wonder how it feels like to walk in the streets of Barcelona, I wonder what it would feel like to learn baking, I wonder what it would feel like to publish my own book...

These are all pretty grand dreams...but I have not yet given up..I still have time...

Marriage could be a good thing to be in--it could be a life changing thing..but until I have a better understanding of my emotions, why I do certain things and why I act the way I do...I have to take sometime to watch the world go by...

In the Philippines everyone is getting married...but I am still floating away...

Women and Drinking Alcohol

Drinking alcohol is not bad especially for women- it only becomes bad if you get yourself so drunk you are no longer aware of what you are doing.

In the first place it was the Buddhists who first created " beer" inside their monasteries and Jesus Christ was also quoted in the Bible-- drinking wine with his apostles--even the priests and bishops here in Baguio and all over the country drink beer.

It would be crazy to say--that a woman is no longer respectable since she drinks beer or wine--

Women can have their share of wine, beer and other liquor just as long as they do not get so drunk they are unable to make their actions respectable.

Moderation and balance is the key- I think its really funny when men judge women who drink--Christian fundamentalists malamang...hehehe Oh come on!

I drink but I make sure to maintain respect for oneself.

Women in their 30s

I think its foolish to advice women in their 30's to simply marry anyone that crosses their path because they are already getting older and will have no partner as they grow older.

Times have changed, if you are in your 30's and marry just about anyone, the remaining days of your life could even be more painful and filled with hardship.

What if you marry someone who hits you? someone who cheats on you? someone who does not have a job? what if you marry someone who is too lazy to build a family.

Marriage is not a race- love is not a race. Do not compete- decide according to your time- not the timeline of the world. 

I think it is unfair- what we should be advising women today is to empower themselves.

Learn to sustain their life, how to invest in their own business- how to manage their own income- how to enjoy life whether they are with someone or not.

We create weak women by telling them that they are simply nothing without a man.

Times have changed--stop sticking to this traditional thinking-- Marry because you are ready and you love someone and prepared to go through every struggle life has to offer...

And not just because you are afraid of being alone--Lady...no marriage can guarantee you --that you will no longer feel alone. The feelings of loneliness and despair can only be solved by you--not by someone else.

Inspiring Life Quotes

I know we mean well when we post criticisms about the government- we want change- the irony lang is that it also counters our improvement at the same time if we will use Quantum Mechanics explanation.
If we send out negative thoughts constantly- it will be felt in the entire country- the Philippines has the biggest number of critics--our media is given so much freedom in their reporting- we see the negative side of the country every day.

If we will use Science- this is working against us. In an experiment they conducted, positive thoughts, meditation and mantra is what changes a country. For example Saudi Arabia and places like Dubai pray and send intentions by the hour--something we don't do. Thailand and Japan do the same thing with their temples and most of the time they focus on the bright side of things.

Quantum physicists discovered that physical atoms are made up of vorticies of energy that are constantly spinning and vibrating.

Matter, at its tiniest observable level, is energy, and human consciousness is connected to it, human consciousness can influence it’s behavior and even re-structure it.

They uplift their country with their thoughts and words--and we see progress.

Fukushima for example, if a mass amount of people send their thoughts and good intention to our waters, we can help mitigate the situation. These concepts can be used on a mass scale as one human race with one intent in their hearts, for multiple problems, as well as individual situations in our own lives.

In short, the more we send out negativity--the more we will not be able to get out of this.

We should start thinking of how we can make positive types of protest- something that does not make eole angry and hopeless- but something that will give them courage to face the hardships of the country.

Filiinos have been very negative for such a long time- we need more positive news, beautiful words and we need to learn to meditate in order to change the country.

If we will use Science- this is working against us. In an experiment they conducted, positive thoughts, meditation and mantra is what changes a country.

For example Saudi Arabia and places like Dubai pray and send intentions by the hour--something we don't do.

Thailand and Japan do the same thing with their temples and most of the time they focus on the brigh side of things.
Quantum physicists discovered that p

hysical atoms are made up of vorticies of energy that are constantly spinning and vibrating. Matter, at its tiniest observable level, is energy, and human consciousness is connected to it, human consciousness can influence it’s behavior and even re-structure it.

They uplift their country with their thoughts and words--and we see progress.

Fukushima for example, if a mass amount of people send their thoughts and good intention to our waters, we can help mitigate the situation.

These concepts can be used on a mass scale as one human race with one intent in their hearts, for multiple problems, as well as individual situations in our own lives.

In short, the more we send out negativity--the more we will not be able to get out of this.
We should start thinking of how we can make positive types of protest- something that does not make people angry and hopeless- but something that will give them courage to face the hardships of the country.

Filiinos have been very negative for such a long time- we need more positive news, beautiful words and we need to learn to meditate in order to change the country.

Signs Your Boyfriend is a Jerk

Women at some point will encounter men who are jerks, while there is no one reason why they exist, it is a must to warn others on the signs and symptoms of a jerk.

This might just seem as trivial to some, but learning to spot a jerk from a quality man can change the world.
Just imagine reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies and not so ideal marriages in the world.

We can start changing the world one principle at a time.

Top Signs that your boyfriend is a Jerk
#1. He talks as if you are not capable of making smart decisions on your own

If your boyfriend is treating you like a child, if he acts like you are not able to live a productive life on your own without him, if he speaks poorly of you to family and friends and most often that not treats you like a servant.

This is already a red alert, a decent guy would allow you to speak your mind and will respect that you also have your own perspective in life.

If he just can't seem to trust you with your life decisions and makes you feel small, chances are he is just trying to control and manipulate you into staying.

If this is the case of your relationship, run as fast as you can. Like the classic saying " You deserve better"...

#2. He treats you as second best:

A decent guy will not make you feel second best, he will not constantly criticize your clothes, your make-up, your shoes. He will not make it a point to make you feel that your likes, passions and hobbies are not good enough.
 A good guy will find time to understand why you love certain things and while he might not be in agreement with it, he will not make you feel bad about having these choice because he will be willing to accept you for who you are and not what he thinks you should be.

#3 He does not show signs of support:

If you have always wanted to become a writer, film producer, a ballerina or whatever you can think of and your boyfriend acts like your dream is stupid and refuses to encourage you to pursue your dreams. It is time to go, do not waste your life being with someone who is not able to inspire you.

Everyone needs a support system, someone to remind them that they can be good at certain things. If he is constantly belittling your dreams then he is not the one.

#4 He likes making you jealous

If he is always talking fondly of his ex, if he is fond of mentioning who he last hooked up with before  you. If he is reminding you that your friends have better looking legs than you- then your boyfriend is not only a jerk but insecure of who you are.
He has to make you feel less so that he can feel confident, if he has made it a habit to pull you down then by all means no matter how hard it is for you to move on- you must do so or you will get stuck in a life of someone who is not able to care and love someone else because they are unable to appreciate themselves.

#4 He never pays

While modern women earn better and at times have higher salaries that most men. Your boyfriend must still put up an effort of at least splitting the bill if he cannot afford it or finding ways to make sure that he will be the one to pay for the meal next time.

If he is the one asking for money most of the time and wants you to pay the extravagant dinners and weekend getaways--please wake up and see that this could be your life forever. You could be supporting a guy who will just be a free loader in your life instead of getting a partner.

#5 He is not able to fight well

Couples will have their own share of arguments, there are times where in couples will raise their voices at each other.
But it is never normal to hit a woman, if he easily loses his cool during a simple argument and is not even willing to back down for the sake of repairing the relationship then you definitely do not have a keeper.

The arguments would only escalate in the coming years and there is very little hope that they will cherish you when you are already married with kids.

#6 The Lazy Bum

A relationship is a two-way street, there are times where you will give something even though you are not up for it.

Times where you give them a back massage even though you are tired, or you go to a concert that you don't really feel like going to because you value the feelings of your partner.

But if he is never up for it, and when he does show up it will feel like he is being dragged to hell because he always looks sad, not attentive, bored or just plain annoyed then be honest with yourself.

Do you really like someone who will not even try- so that the relationship would work out and not be a living hell for the both of you...

If you put a check on the six items listed above,  get out of the relationship drama and just focus on yourself for a while..

Usually when we get into a relationship trap with a jerk- it is because we have forgotten to love ourselves enough.

Taking the time to reflect on who we are, what we want in life and doing what we love can help us get back on track and avoid good for nothing men who will only make life harder than it already is.

Understanding what is Love Addiction?

Any kind of addiction even in the guise of the word Love is still an addiction.

Addiction happens when you rely on someone or something to the extent of putting everything you have just to feel something.

A rush, an emotion- you undergo it to feel something- to distract your mind into facing your actual problems in life and hinders you from resolving them.

Any form of addiction is bound to be harmful, to become addicted to something means to have something in excess.

Signs of A Love Addict:

1. A love addict will value another person above themselves even to the point of obsession.

2. A love addict will neglect their care for their own welfare, they could abandon important aspects of their lives. This could include their career, children, family and they could fail to improve certain aspects of their life especially their well being just to stay connected to the object of their affection.

3. A love addict will usually expect that someone else will solve their problems, that is it the duty of another person to provide them care and unconditional regard at all times.

 A love addict expects another person to save them from feeling lonely, and when there needs are not met the love addict will feel resentful and would create conflict with their relationships with others.

4. Love addicts when not involved in the care of others, are usually able to take care of themselves well, but when they become involved they lose the ability to properly care for themselves.

What are the usual reasons why people become Love addicts?

People who have a history of love addiction have previously suffered abandonment from their parents or guardians.

During their childhood they were not given proper validation by parents and were not given a good loving connection with one or both parents.

This has greatly affected their self-esteem and they carried it on their adult life. A person easily addicted to love will usually hate the feeling of being abandoned- and they will also form a subconscious fear of real intimacy.

Most of the time a person easily addicted to love is just searching for the rush, the intensity and not really focused on finding the meaning of what real intimacy is.

How does one reach real intimacy?

Real intimacy is reached only through self-discovery and not the other way around. A lot of people commit the mistake of finding intimacy with another person without truly understanding who they are first.

Instead of taking the time to figure out ourselves first, we immediately jump into the messiness of diving into another person's life. Instead of facing ourselves first, we expect others to perform the discovering of ourselves.

We want the other person to  know us, to understand us, but how can that be possible if we on our own do not know who we are.

The main line of a fight in a relationship are the words " You do not understand me".

Here lies the problem, we are expecting someone else to understand what we mean, what we say, what we feel--what we are doing when we on our own are not able to know what we really want in life.

When this happens there comes a huge communication gap.  Instead of being able to reach full intimacy with another person we will get stuck complaining- instead of becoming more thoughtful and clear on what we want- we end up confusing one another.

We fail to see our own  life, or real character, we are unable to understand the good parts of the other person as well as to extend our patience with their bad parts because we have not done that yet- we have not examined our own life yet.

How to reach Intimacy:

The first assignment of a person who want to reach real intimacy with another person- is to first understand or know themselves.

This means facing our own demons, it means penetrating our own mind, removing our masks, the pretensions we have, the deceptions we have created about ourselves and our own life. 

To remove our disguise and to be truthful about who we are- what we really want to do in life--

Most of the time we have been subjected into liking something, into agreeing with something, a lot of people want to control our actions- our future.

The media tells us what to do, our parents tell us what to do, our friends dictate to us what we need to become--- and until we are able to step away and hear our own voice...the process of reaching an honest relationship with another person is not possible.

Because intimacy is about honesty--if we are not even honest about what we really want in life-- we cannot expect to get to the intimacy that we are hoping for.

If we are able to face our own anxieties, our own truths--it would be easier for us to open up and be available for another person- we would actually have the time and patience to get to know another person deeply and meaningfully without being constantly bombarded with our fears, insecurities and weaknesses.

Love Yourself

The best way to cure Love addiction  is to Love Yourself.

Most of us are taught that we if we love ourselves- we are selfish. Most religions and traditions will tell us to love others, and to forget loving ourselves.

This is where failure begins, we tend to think that by giving too much effort, too much of ourselves to others to the point of forgetting ourselves that we begin to reach a good point in our life.

But acts that result to leaving our own life and soul impoverished by giving too much will only result into a lost soul.

A lot of traditions and culture  teach us to avoid self love- people condemn it- they make us believe that if we listen to ourselves, that if we follow our heart that we are an egoist.

By loving oneself we become egotistic  or a narcissist.  But this is simply not true, because a man who has value for himself, a man who respects their own body and beliefs- a man who loves their own self are the only ones who can love others.

If a man loves himself- he will not be egotistic,  because a person who has learned to respect their own mind would be able to cultivate themselves.

 They would be able to find their path in life and they will learn to be happy even when they are on their own and will not find the need to drag others.

Their cup will be filled with hope, a person who is full of love for themselves will be able to give freely without asking something in return.

Only people who give everything that they have without leaving options for themselves become bitter with life.

Here are several lines taken from the teachings of Osho:

"But you have an idea of love; that idea is creating trouble – not love itself, but the idea. The idea is that, in love, lovers disappear into each other, dissolve into each other. Yes, there are moments of dissolution – but this is the beauty of life and all that is existential: that when lovers dissolve into each other, the same are the moments when they become very conscious, very alert. That dissolution is not a kind of drunkenness, that dissolution is not unconscious. It brings great consciousness, it releases great awareness. On the one hand they are dissolved – on the other hand for the first time they see their utter beauty in being alone. The other defines them, their aloneness; they define the other. And they are grateful to each other. It is because of the other that they have been able to see their own selves; the other has become a mirror in which they are reflected. Lovers are mirrors to each other. Love makes you aware of your original face.

When we are already aware of who we are- if we are at a point in our lives where we are able to relax our mind and we are able to put our attention to how we want life to be- and we have processed the steps into reaching that life--that is the only time we should be In a relationship.

We cannot expect to reach the intimacy that we want with another person if we have not even learned to be kind and intimate with ourselves.

Until we have reached a point where we are honest  about who we are, our fears, until we recognize the things that terrify us and have worked towards finding a way into curing these sensitive areas without relying on someone else to do the work for us--we must postpone getting into deep.

We have to examine our thoughts, the quality of thoughts that enter- so that we can avoid living in self-denial- we could avoid abusing ourselves and we could avoid another person from abusing us.

First, we must have an honest scrutiny and self-examination- that is the only way we would be truly open to someone else-- we would be able to discern why we feel certain feelings- why we fear certain things and we would be able to avoid blaming someone else for what we feel.

We can start taking responsibility for our own life instead of expecting someone to do it for us. We can stop relying- we can overcome the expectations that are eating us up and we would be able to find room to give because we have taken the time to fill up our own love meter.- we can avoid clinging or getting addicted to a certain rush.

When you are happy alone- that is the time to be In a Relationship

 If you enter a relationship because you feel alone, can't stand to be alone, if you enter a relationship because you think someone should make you happy, You enter a relationship because you like someone to believe you are beautiful or you are someone,

 Or you select a partner because you think they will be the one to save you--or someone else to finance you, if you will enter a relationship so that someone will guide you then chances are that you would cling...

Cling for the attention,  cling to the promises of a world that always changes,  there is a big chance that y will not be able to separate yourself from that someone- getting an identity would be harder.

 A big hindrance will be created for what you must become- chances are that you will always be defined by the circumstances that will happen to both of you--chances are that when they withdraw the affection you feel addicted--addicted to the rush of being noticed, addicted to the feeling of being saved, you will always ask for attention like a baby in need of food--always in need of food, always in need of someone else to look at you, to tell you  that you exist, that you are someone--and chances are that you will never feel what it is like to be whole.

You will always require something when you love someone, you will give, give, give more than what you have, you will ask and ask and ask thinking that they have drained you of something- and you will never learn to love without asking something back because you are always incomplete.

It will always be a contest--contests are sickening--they always remind you of what you lack, you are always in competition- everyone else becomes an opponent- and you cannot feel loved- because you are not able to give love.

You will never learn to love with manipulating someone, you will never know what it feels like to be vulnerable and strong at the same time.

No one is really meant to provide you with happiness,no one was created for that purpose, no one can be everything for you except yourself.

Only when you have learned to be a self-sustaining unit- only when you learn to produce fruits in your garden, only when you pay attention to what you need at a certain point and learn to provide it on your own do you find peace in mind.

Be happy, make sure you are happy- make sure you are not afraid to be alone, make sure you are focused with a goal, make sure that you like yourself just the way you are- make sure you have traveled to a lot of places- make sure you know your strengths- before you say yes to an intimate and committed relationship.

That is the only time you will be ready to be in a relationship. If you are already fully functional, able to make yourself smile despite all of the drama going on in your life, able to assist without getting torn, able to give without being depleted, able to share without minding --that is the only time you will be able to make it work.

Until you are not a whole unit--don't attempt to drag another person down- you drag someone when you feel you are giving too much and want them to give you something in return for all of the effort- you feel worn out--love should not produce a feeling of being worn out.

Love is not about dragging someone else down to save you. Love is realizing nobody needs to be saved.

Love is only Inspiring- don't fool yourself into believing it has to involve so much drama and pain.

Why you should avoid being " In a Relationship" if you are 18 until 24 years old

Don't get me wrong, relationships are good if you are fortunate enough to find someone who will help you and inspire you at such a young age.
But what if at a very young age you find someone who is just as misguided as you are? As lost as you are...as lonely as you are...

I had my first serious relationship when I was 20 years old, some will say it is too late, but personally I still believe it was too early.
Although there are a lot of things I have learned- if I would be given the chance to go back- I would not have taken the same path.

Why?

1. Too much energy and time wasted- during your teenage years and early 20's the focus should be on honing your skills.

This should have been the time to take up guitar lessons, piano lessons, painting lessons, this should have been the time to socialize with people from different walks of life.

When you are in school, you get the chance to meet a diverse number of people, mixed cultures, mixed belief systems- there are so many things happening all at the same time--and I wasted mine--by focusing on what is wrong and what does not feel right with the current relationship that I was in during that time.

I failed to try several organizations that would have helped my resume look better, I have not been able to extend my friend's list because I was so immersed living in one life and was so immersed by being with just one person who if we will use statistics--will probably not be in my life when I am 30 years old.

Imagine all of the concerts I could have watched with friends, imagine all of the teachers I could have talked to to ask several insights that would have been helpful after graduation.
I could have joined the Glee club, learned some theater skills, I could have created a short independent film about life in College--

And while I could never go back- I still feel I wasted my remaining years in College crying, analyzing situations about me and my boyfriend that I could have easily done away with--if only I managed to have focus like that I have now at the age of 26.

2. Early expectations that will not be met- what does a 16 year old know about life? I will boldly tell you what you know absolutely Nothing.

I thought I had it all figured out at the age of 15 to be honest, I thought I knew all of the theories and how to apply them--but it was like a teenager trying to fix an airplane.

I had no skills, no idea of what kind of future I was building myself-- getting into a relationship at such an early age, means being asked to perform certain things that a 28 year old woman would be able to handle.

You can't expect a 16 year old boy to suddenly understand the life pain you are going through, much less expect a 16 year old woman to be forgiving at an age where she is still questioning the world.

If you get a boyfriend or a girlfriend at the age of 15, the other person is going to expect so much from you- this early expectations will include the ability to understand, the ability to listen, be insightful--but you are still in the time of your life where you are still figuring out your likes and dislikes- chances are that both of you will be hindering the progress of each other.

To hinder the progress of someone--is not love, it never is.

At first, the relationship will be intoxicating, like a drug...when the drug wears off--you would have to figure out a way how to understand the current problems that you have--on top of it all--you would have to face your exams...and family problems.

it's too much- opt out of it.

You might believe that you are providing love to somebody, but believe me the first lesson that you should learn in life is to Love Yourself first and the rest will come along naturally.



Yes, you will have some fun times--but you will also be expected to play roles that are not suited for your current skills--and it will naturally lead to stress- more stress than you could ever hope for.

3. Chances of early pregnancy and Fatherhood- most people forget this when they are in a whirlwind romance, but this is a fact of life. You have a girlfriend or a boyfriend you are bound to be subjected to trying out sexual experimentation that is almost sure to get you in trouble.

There is nothing more distasteful than 16 year old teenagers asking how they can prevent getting pregnant. It should not be a topic in their life- this is not the proper time.

I wish someone could show them how easy it is to just sit down and watch a game of volleyball or basketball and enjoy the thrill created by it rather than exploring sexual thrills that will only last for several seconds but could inflict damage permanently.

4. You are still simply Ill- equipped for a relationship..

Imagine trying to take the BAR examination for lawyers at the age of 6--that is what it feels like, to embark on an early relationship.

By trying it out so early, you fail- will fail, over and over again until it becomes unbearable. Some will manage to overcome it--but only after studying so many books and learning tips that would not have otherwise come have they not explored.

You can't expect to feel good about a Relationship or to do good at it--at a very young age. And while yes, some start very young and learn--only a few do so--they just repeat the excitement, expectations and the pain over and over again.

Being In a relationship in your teenage years and early 20's--- can hinder your chances of Finding who you really are..

Why?

Because the time you could have invested to fulfill life goals that would make you a better person is hindered.
I don't think you would be happy holding someone else's hand without  being fully able to acknowledge your Fulfillment in life.

It does not happen that way-- you don't finally feel free or loved just because someone is holding your hand- you will only find this progress and fulfillment once you are able to acknowledge yourself, your skills, once you are able to reach a point in your life where you can finally give without asking for anything in return- because you have already learned to complete yourself.

A clingy attitude , neediness, wanting to always be with someone to ease the pain, the feeling of not wanting to be alone--if you are still unable to enjoy the time you have with yourself--don't expect Relationships to be fulfilling even at the age of 40- it will just be a series of always asking to be loved- always asking to be understood and when you don't get it--you move, change partners and repeat the cycle all over again.

Until you are not able to learn this--everything about a Relationship will be about manipulation and control- there will be sweet moments but it will still be about who is winning, who is the boss, who is the controller and who is being controlled in the Relationship--and it will make you weak- very weak- so weak that you will not be able to appreciate Life itself.

"But you have an idea of love; that idea is creating trouble – not love itself, but the idea. The idea is that, in love, lovers disappear into each other, dissolve into each other. Yes, there are moments of dissolution – but this is the beauty of life and all that is existential: that when lovers dissolve into each other, the same are the moments when they become very conscious, very alert. That dissolution is not a kind of drunkenness, that dissolution is not unconscious. It brings great consciousness, it releases great awareness. On the one hand they are dissolved – on the other hand for the first time they see their utter beauty in being alone. The other defines them, their aloneness; they define the other. And they are grateful to each other. It is because of the other that they have been able to see their own selves; the other has become a mirror in which they are reflected. Lovers are mirrors to each other. Love makes you aware of your original face.

So many people, will no longer be able to get out of this until they get old. Relationships will always be a contest, something that has to be won, something they have to control, like a drug addiction--you won't be able to separate yourself from the idea of someone---

there is no freedom with that kind of  life... there is no peace, no breathing in a cool windy afternoon.

So for as long as you can, take the time to Invest in yourself, to find the meaning of Loving yourself without hindering another person's progress.

Until you have not reached that...avoid the drama...especially at a very young age.

"If they are dependent on each other, clinging, possessive, if they don't allow each other to be alone, if they don't allow each other space enough to grow, they are enemies, not lovers; they are destructive to each other, they are not helping each other to find their souls, their beings. What kind of love is this? It may be just fear of being alone; hence they are clinging to each other. But real love knows no fear. Real love is capable of being alone, utterly alone, and out of that aloneness grows a togetherness."